my expectations of myself is a reflection of other people's expectations of me. well, not a reflection but a magnification. people see me as independent, i want myself to be strong. i dont like the feeling of being swayed by one person or one comment.

ever stare at yourself in the mirror, to realise the face that stares back doesnt seem like you? in times of depression or despair, the stranger really scares me.

i really seriously dont love my brother enough. seriously. to know what he feels from his blog is just sad. sad that i dont know him well enough, not there for him.

i guess i want someone who's like my brother. really. haha. unbelievable as it may sound. but he was the one who was really there for me through thick and thin, young till now till old. we quarreled, made up. i get petty and pissed, he forgave. he cheered me up when my mood was shit. he is someone i can talk to.

i dont know if he'll see this, but i love him. i dont tell him, cause it feels weird. i dont show him my love, cos sometimes i am blind, putting other things above him. but at the end of the day, i know that when we both become orphans, he'll be my only kin. and that blood is thicker than water, holding us together.